Put on Christ

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:2-15

Question of the Day: Would it take a gentle rinse for God to wash away all of your selfishness or a pressure washer? For me, I think that a gentle or moderate rinse would get rid of most of it, but the problem is that last bit. I'm afraid it would take a serious pressure washer to remove that. How about you?

The reason I ask is that I believe selfishness is at the root of all sin. Many say pride is at the root, but I disagree with them except to the extent they mean selfishness. All pride is selfishness and all pride is sin, but not all sin is pride, whereas all sin is selfishness. Why else are we called to die to SELF and live to Christ? Because what comes out of our hearts defiles us, that's why. Pride is one of those things, but they are all "self" and that's why we need Jesus to regenerate us and fill us with Himself. He's the only one who can help us. Only He is perfect.

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.  Matthew 15:19-20 a

Most people, at least at some point in their lives, are too proud to acknowledge that they are created beings who answer to God. At the core of it is wanting one's own SELF to be in control.  Some of us spend the majority of our lives denying who we are:  created beings answerable to our Creator.  By denying His existence, we are left with what we really want--to be in charge.  Even when we acknowledge that God exists, very few of us are truly willing to submit to His will in all things instead of exercising our own will.  We think we know what we want and what is best for us, but God's way is better than what we thought we wanted.  Look at the evil that has been done in rebellion against and defiance of God and His perfect, beautiful ways.  This is not the way God designed it to be, and for those who lay down their selfish pride, all will one day be perfect again.  For those who don't, the evil will increase to an unbearable level and will never end.

God has given us evidence of Himself not only in the Bible, but in everything He created.  We know in our hearts that He exists, so why do so many deny it? Because if we have to answer to God, then we have to admit that our ways are not right.  By our very nature what is in our selfish hearts is sin.  Let's look at the definitions of the list of earthly behaviors that we believers are to put to death because they incur God's wrath:

• earthly: wordly, often implies a contrast with what is heavenly or spiritual.
• sexual immorality: evil, wrong, licentious, dishonorable, depraved activity involving sexual organs, against God's design for gender and marriage.
• https://www.gotquestions.org/sexual-immorality.html
• http://www.challies.com/articles/god-hates-sexual-immorality
• impurity: contaminated, degraded, corrupted.
• passion: strong and barely controllable emotion.
• evil desire: strongly wish for or want something profoundly immoral or wicked
• covetousness: inordinately or wrongly desirous of wealth or possessions, often those that belong to someone else; greedy.
• idolatry: extreme admiration, love, or reverence for something or someone.
• anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
• wrath: vengeance or punishment as the consequence of anger.
• malice: the intention or desire to do evil; ill will.
• slander: oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed.
• obscene talk: uttering words that are offensive or disgusting by (God's) standards of morality and decency.
• lie: a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth

I will add this one that's not on the list, but needless to say stems from selfishness.  Believers are only allowed to boast in the Lord.  pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

Besides not wanting to admit and submit to God, most people are also at some point are too proud to admit they can't handle things on their own and that they need God. The center of it is SELF reliance. Needless to say, coveting, greed and stealing are wanting to have for one's SELF what others have. Committing sins against another's person out of lust and/or violence is disregard for the other person's well being in favor of the desire of one's own SELF. Speaking ill of others is a way of feeling more "right" or "better" than they are, tearing them down and building up SELF. Someone who mistreats or disrespects others, especially their parent(s), is valuing their own SELF above them. Lying is often a cover to prevent being held responsible for things done by SELF.

Let's look at another commandment (we are not under the law, but we obey it because we love and respect the One who created it for our good - if we do not believe, then we cannot please God by our actions - faith MUST come FIRST). How about honoring the Sabbath? Most people consider attending worship services to fulfill that these days (although there is more to it). Why don't people go? Because of SELF. They have something in their life that they are doing with that time instead, whether it's work, participating in or watching sports, sleeping, etc. God gives His people rest. Anyone who says they have no choice and cannot make time for God is not trusting in Him and is not putting Him first. He takes care of His own. He can do anything! Feeding, clothing and sheltering His children is not too hard for Him.

Another reason people are not active members of their local assembly of believers (the church, which is not a building) is that they don't want to be exposed to truth that doesn't agree with their own SELF-determined views.  They like to pick and choose which parts of the Bible are applicable to their own SELF. They stubbornly and selfishly "protect" themselves from anything that would upset their self-designed world by staying away from anyone they don't agree with.  That includes pastors who are God's servants to shepherd His sheep and those who are supposed to be their brothers and sisters in Christ.  They can't tolerate people who speak truth that they don't agree with, even when its biblical, but believers are meant to hold one another accountable to the only truth, which is that in the Bible.

"Spiritual but not religious" is a cop out!  It just means that someone a) does not want to make time for gathering with other believers, or b) they do not want to be exposed to any doctrine they disagree with, or c) they do not love their brothers and sisters in Christ as Jesus commanded them to, of which writers of the epistles repeatedly reminded us, or d) they do not want to be expected to give a financial offering out of funds they consider their own (but everything we have is a gift from God and belongs to Him).  Those are just a few underlying reasons, but the fact is that about 80% of professed believers do not even read their Bibles regularly and approximately 50% do not attend worship services.  If the 50% is also part of the 80% (which is very likely), then how will their lives be guided by God?  The Holy Spirit reminds us of what we have already been taught and teaches us so we can understand what we read in the Bible.  There are many supposed "prophets" on Youtube who claim to hear from God directly, but the sad fact is that their desire to be special has blinded them from discerning that the "revelations" they receive do not agree with the Bible and thus, they are false and not of God.

Seek God FIRST. Saying we are obeying that basic command but doing nothing about it is deceitful.  (Faith without works is dead--God wants to be worshiped in spirit and TRUTH.)  And if He is not first, then that is idolizing someone or something above Him! Love God with ALL your heart, mind, soul and strength, more than yourself or anyone or anything. He summarized the rest of the commandments as one: Love your neighbor as yourself--because by doing that the rest will be fulfilled. We can't do ANY of them without setting aside our selfish SELF ("dying" to it inside) and letting Him have complete control. Our new list, to replace the old one above, looks like this:

• renew: restore, re-establish (our relationship with God), make fresh and new.
• chosen: selected, elected, favored, appointed.
• holy: dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred.
• beloved: dearly loved, precious, treasured, cherished, adored.
• compassionate: feeling or showing sympathy and concern for others.
• kindness: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
• humility: a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness.
• meekness: humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others.
• patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
• forgiving: able to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
• love: an intense feeling of deep affection.
• called: invitation to leave former state (in order to follow Jesus), to join assembly with other invitees.
• http://www.ligonier.org/blog/ekklesia-called-out-ones/
• thankful: expressing gratitude and relief.

All we are and have is a gift from God. Our purpose is to love, worship, serve, honor, exalt and obey Him. Those are all wrapped up together, not a la carte. And if we truly worship and honor God above all else, then we won't believe others when they lie about Him (even if they "mean well" but are deceived). We'll read the Bible and "side with" the one, true God as He has revealed Himself to us (not the invention of any man), because whoever isn't FOR Him is against Him.

"Being on God's side" includes supporting those who hold to the truth and not supporting those who are against God.  We can't avoid evil altogether, but we can control what we watch on television, which movies we go to, what kind of music we listen to, where we go on vacation (is it a place where they go out of their way to accommodate people who are opposed to Jesus, where they encourage sin in the name of tolerance and freedom?), how high of an importance we place on things that have no eternal value, such as sports (how many sport celebrities live as enemies of Jesus?), what we consider appropriate entertainment and activities for a child of God, whether we are respecters of people (celebrities, again--very few of them worship the one, true God faithfully) when God said that He is not and neither are we to be (and do we "love" our favorite celebrities--more than God?), etc.  Are we quick to distance ourselves from anyone who rocks the boat by refusing to compromise on God's truth?  Do we want to be liked by the world more than to honor God in all we think, say and do?  If we don't think any of this matters to Him, then do we truly believe in Him for who He really is?  Do we actually believe what He said in the Bible is true, applicable to us today, and that He sees all we do and even into our very thoughts and hearts?

My prayer today is that God will take His pressure washer (and help me to bear it despite the discomfort and even likely pain) and cleanse me of every last trace of selfishness. I want to be able to set aside myself and my own comfort the way that Jesus demonstrated for us so that I can do all of His will and only His will. Only then will I be able to truly look forward to the day when He judges me with great joy, with assurance of hearing "well done, good and faithful servant." Only then will people see Christ in me and want to taste and see that the Lord is good for themselves.  What about you?

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.  Philippians 3:12-21

Letter of Encouragement

To the woman at Wal-Mart yesterday with the screaming little boy:

I heard you throughout the store having trouble with your son melting down, and I felt bad for you and your children. People were giving you that "look" of disapproval over your son's behavior as if they all had perfect children (even the ones who never had any, I'm sure--or maybe those people were saying that's why they never had any children. LOL) When you turned up behind me in the checkout line, I wanted so badly to offer you some helpful advice, but you wouldn't make eye contact. Your face was so flushed and you kept your head down and your eyes averted in embarrassment. After a few attempts to make eye contact so I could get my foot in the door to say something encouraging, I gave up out of worry that I might make the situation worse if you were sure I was judging you. I prayed for you instead, but I can't get you and your family out of my mind. So here's what I would have said if I could have gotten a chance.

I'll start with the small piece of advice that I hoped to have time to get in yesterday. (It takes way more words to explain when typing than to actually just say.) I have no way of knowing, but I suspect that your son is tired and hungry. Based on the time of day, I'm guessing that you may have just picked up your kids from school and/or daycare after working and all of you are tired and hungry. You are probably being efficient by combining the trips and getting what needs to be gotten while you are already out, but it's not working out so well. Can I suggest that if this is the case, that next time you drive through somewhere and get something from the dollar menu to tide everyone over after picking them up and before shopping? For a few dollars, the crisis might be averted.

I used to do this with my kids when I had to do shopping after picking them up. We had a blast sitting in the car at Wal-Mart eating our little snack, talking about the day, laughing about how silly it was that we were eating in the Wal-Mart parking lot. (We still laugh about it sometimes now that they're grown, but it adds stress to try to take kids inside a restaurant the same as shopping does.) Your kids miss you when they're away and things happen that they might want to share--sometimes good things and sometimes things that cause them to really need reassurance that their mom loves them and everything is going to be fine. Maybe the teacher or daycare provider scolded them or their best friend played with someone else. Whatever--it's important to a kid. Anyway, it's so hard to behave when you feel tired and hungry, isn't it? I bet you had a headache, too, and a little snack can sometimes help with that as well. Be sure that the kids understand that this fun thing you're doing is conditional upon their being good during the shopping to follow--that you will do this again (maybe next week?) but NOT if they misbehave.  (But if that ends up being the case, then try to bring a little juice box and packet of crackers to head off the potential crisis.)

Now DURING a melt down, there is a technique you can try that I had success with. First, empathize with the child by saying that you understand he is not happy or he is upset about something, no matter how ridiculous it seems to you. This will get his attention and at that point, reiterate that you care about how he feels and acknowledge that he is having a problem. At this point, the child will hopefully be defusing and you can then ask them what they think needs to be done to solve the problem. They may have an absurd idea, but rephrase it back to them in a way that is acceptable. That could be the end of it. Sometimes we just need to be acknowledged and reassured. I used this more than once on my kids and was shocked to see it work, but I'm not making any guarantees.

Here is a sample conversation:

Child: I hate everything! My socks are uncomfortable! (throwing a tantrum) Mom: I agree that is so horrible when socks are uncomfortable, how awful. Child: Yes, socks should always be comfortable. I hate socks! (still upset, but not making a scene anymore) Mom: What a problem this is, I feel bad for you that your socks are uncomfortable. Child: Yeah, and this isn't the first time this happened to me. (less upset, glad to be listened to) Mom: What do you think we could do about this? Child: We could throw my socks in the fire! Mom: I hear you saying that you never want to see those socks again. How about if we donate them to charity and wear different socks next time? (child is no longer acting out)

This will not work in an all-out screaming on the floor tantrum, but it will hopefully help prevent the situation from escalating to that point (along with the trying to make sure the child is not on the brink of having no self-control to begin with by trying to time the shopping trip when they are not tired, hungry, sick, etc.)

Another thing that you can practice at is to catch your children being good. If they only get attention when they do something wrong, they will do things to get your attention. They NEED your attention. So reinforce the behavior you want to see. Your son wanted to help you put the groceries on the conveyor belt and got upset when you took the glass jar from his hands. He then put something unbreakable on the conveyor belt (you may have handed it to him--I wasn't staring but I saw in my peripheral vision). I wanted to tell him "good job." He needs to know that even though he was naughty, you still love him. The more you give him attention when he is good, the more he'll see that is the way to get your attention. He'll want to please you and get that positive reinforcement. This goes for both (all) of your children, of course. And be careful not to place one child in the "good" category and the other in the "bad." The "good" child may take delight in seeing the other punished constantly, even egging him on when you're not looking...

I saw you very quickly swat your son in the head after you put him in the basket of the cart. He barely reacted and so I assumed he was used to it, which is sad. I know you didn't hit him hard, but I have to say that hitting in anger is not discipline (and never hit your child in the head).  All it does is to make the child feel angry and probably unloved, and it makes you feel like a bad mom. You may have been raised as many of us were, with plenty of spankings. If you want a disciplined child, hitting is not the way (unless he does something dangerous where he needs the lesson to really sink in quick for his own good). A child needs to learn SELF-control and so enforcing their behavior with violence does not lend itself to that end. The Bible does say that if you don't discipline your child, he will bring you shame. However, I would like to point out that there is a right and wrong way--indiscriminate hitting is abuse.

Try to break the cycle if there was a lot of physical "discipline," yelling, name calling, etc. in your house when you grew up. Your kids are going to be parents someday and you will want them to be happy adults (not scarred and broken) with healthy children. You will care how your grandchildren are treated, but by then you will probably forget that the way your kids parent is how you taught them. Believe it or not, and I'm sure everyone tells you this, the time when your kids are little is going to fly by. Each phase that you think is difficult will be replaced by a more difficult phase until they are parents. (I'm just being honest here, each time you'll look back and wonder how you thought the previous phase was difficult.)

Hopefully you'll have a loving, mature relationship with them when they are adults, where they respect you and you are supportive to them (but you will always be their parent first--people who say that they become "friends" are exaggerating--we always need our parents even when we're grown). In this selfish age we live in, that is not easy to achieve for anyone. People these days equate getting their own way with love and make way too many comparisons with others. (The grass is always greener on the other side.) It will be very difficult to reach that peaceful point of harmony unless the groundwork for it is laid down along the way. (Think therapy if things continue as they are--the teen years are coming before you know it and they are NOT easy.  Learn coping strategies now.)

A lot of people think they know a lot of things about raising kids (despite there never having been a perfect parent, ever, and that most definitely includes me), but these are your kids. Your gifts from God and your privilege to raise. (Psalm 127:3-5) They actually still belong to Him, as do you. He owns the earth and everything and everyone in it. (Psalm 24:1) We become His children when we believe in His Son for salvation (John 1:12-13), but whether we do or not, He owns everything He made and that includes us. He sees everything we do and we will answer to Him. (Psalm 94:9-11, Hebrews 4:13)

Now is a good time to be forgiven and call on God to help you in this tough challenge of raising kids. (Joshua 24:15, 2 Corinthians 6:1-2) We all need forgiveness (Romans 3:23-25) and we all need help surviving in this world. Great news--God loves us! Even though He knows everything about us, He still does. Amazing! Call on Him when you're at your wit's end. Even if He doesn't intervene directly by giving you peace or wisdom or strength just when you need it, it pleases Him that you put your trust in Him. (Psalm 9:9-10) He will bless you for doing that (Jeremiah 17:7), and during the time you pray, you are not doing anything you regret.

Start your day by asking God to help you and make you more like Jesus. End your day thinking about what didn't go right, asking and receiving forgiveness from God for it and asking Him to help you do better tomorrow so that you can sleep in peace. (He hears your thoughts, so you don't have to say anything out loud if you don't want to.) Pray (aloud) a blessing over your children before they get out of the car and before they go to sleep. It will remind them how they are special and God is always with them. Tell them you love them and God loves them. Take them to Sunday School* or at least get a children's Bible to read them. (The one who learns the most from Sunday School is the teacher as she prepares for class. You are their teacher 24/7/365.) Train a child in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

God cares about you and your children. (Matthew 13:14-15, Matthew 6:25-34) He knows why you react to stress the way you do, what all has happened, what struggles you face, even what you're going to do next. You can trust Him. You are loved and you are not alone. You are my "neighbor" and I love you. (Matthew 19:19, Romans 13:8-10) I hope that you will be my "sister" in the Lord someday. (Galatians 6:10) God doesn't want anyone to perish, and neither do I. (John 3:16, 1 Timothy 2:3-4, 2 Peter 3:9) (And I am not trying to judge here, I realize you may be a believer having a particularly bad day, but better to err on the side of giving more support than less.) I will keep praying for you. If you read this, please pass on any of the advice that you try if it works for you. And hold your head up high. Your children got born and that wasn't easy or pleasant, but you did it. Congratulations!

*PLEASE, stay away from any denomination that has a "special" version of the Bible and/or relies on "authority" from other sources. God wrote it exactly right the first time. There is no need for additions--unless someone is trying to deceive others.

To everyone else: Wouldn't it be a much more beautiful world if everyone prayed for others who are struggling instead of giving them dirty looks? Let's repent of our self-righteousness and selfishness, and do that the next time we get an opportunity to show the world what our great God is like. God is love. 1 John 4:7-11