True Freedom

Today (June 28, 2017) in the news we are hearing about a man who ran his car into a monument of the Ten Commandments that had been placed less than 24 hours prior at the State Capitol of Arkansas after a legal battle was lost by those trying to prevent it. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-arkansas-commandments-idUSKBN19J1XX

Please pray for this narcissistic man who claims to know God yet he shows it by breaking laws, favoring “separation of church and state” (where do you find that in the Bible?) over “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.” Philippians 2:14-16 This man just wants attention. He is NOT a true believer, as we can see by his bad fruit. (Galatians 5:16-26)

But please also pray for those utterly lost souls who are celebrating the man’s actions (even while many of them claim not to endorse vandalism, they are still happy the monument has been destroyed). They have rejected the existence of God in favor of their own supremacy. They disapprove of the Ten Commandments because they reject that they are accountable for their behavior–that there is such a thing as right and wrong and that they will have to answer to Someone. They want to be their own “god” by determining right and wrong according to their own “wisdom,” opinion and preference. They are “tolerant” of everyone who agrees with them.

God lets people rebel against Him go their own way when they insist upon it. He doesn’t force us to believe or obey. (Romans 1) The founding fathers’ intention was that we should not be forced to be a particular denomination (or any at all), such as Roman Catholic, Methodist, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Baptist, etc. They believed in ONE true God who gave us freedom to choose Him for ourselves. They were not atheists, nor were they Buddhists, Hindus, etc. If any of them at some point rejected God, that does not change the fact that God still does exist and our freedoms come from Him, just as every good thing does. (James 1:17, Psalm 89:11)

Breaking a monument does not change anything. The laws of this country were based on the Ten Commandments. God has shown evidence of His existence in our consciences and in nature, as well as in the Bible. (Romans 1, Romans 12:14-16) When people who reject Him as Lord stand before Jesus for sentencing, they WILL understand that they condemned THEMSELVES. (John 3:18, Matthew 12:33-37) This is why we need to pray for them, that God will have mercy and grant them repentance while there is still time, despite their having wasted so many chances already.

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:23-26

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

We have been so blessed here in America to be free to worship as the founding fathers structured our society, based on the freedoms with which God gifted us. These people are working hard to change that, not knowing they will be the ones hurt by it in the end (as we can already see by so many “freedoms” that have been made the law of the land)–this is all temporary, but afterwards is forever. When their appointment with God comes, and no one knows when their own will be, they will wish to go back in time to give up these “freedoms” they are demanding now and gladly embrace the freedom God offers. They put all of their trust in the wisdom of men, but the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord and so they prove themselves to possess less common sense than innocent children who have the sense to recognize authority over them.

For, speaking loud boasts of folly, they entice by sensual passions of the flesh those who are barely escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved. 2 Peter 2:18-19

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:34-36

Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness,” and again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.” 1 Corinthians 3:18-20

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! Psalm 111:10

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire." Matthew 18:1-9

They can “play god” now if that’s what they think they want. It won’t change anything in the end (at least not the way they hope in their ignorance that it will), but our job is to love even our enemies.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” Romans 9:20

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:9-21

Let me just end with this, though. Those of us who go along with them and call it “love” will also answer to God. We were told to shine our lights, which is speaking the TRUTH in love. We were told to expect to be persecuted by those who don’t know God, not to blend in and compromise.

Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 2 Timothy 3:12-13

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,  making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17

Letter of Encouragement

To the woman at Wal-Mart yesterday with the screaming little boy:

I heard you throughout the store having trouble with your son melting down, and I felt bad for you and your children. People were giving you that "look" of disapproval over your son's behavior as if they all had perfect children (even the ones who never had any, I'm sure--or maybe those people were saying that's why they never had any children. LOL) When you turned up behind me in the checkout line, I wanted so badly to offer you some helpful advice, but you wouldn't make eye contact. Your face was so flushed and you kept your head down and your eyes averted in embarrassment. After a few attempts to make eye contact so I could get my foot in the door to say something encouraging, I gave up out of worry that I might make the situation worse if you were sure I was judging you. I prayed for you instead, but I can't get you and your family out of my mind. So here's what I would have said if I could have gotten a chance.

I'll start with the small piece of advice that I hoped to have time to get in yesterday. (It takes way more words to explain when typing than to actually just say.) I have no way of knowing, but I suspect that your son is tired and hungry. Based on the time of day, I'm guessing that you may have just picked up your kids from school and/or daycare after working and all of you are tired and hungry. You are probably being efficient by combining the trips and getting what needs to be gotten while you are already out, but it's not working out so well. Can I suggest that if this is the case, that next time you drive through somewhere and get something from the dollar menu to tide everyone over after picking them up and before shopping? For a few dollars, the crisis might be averted.

I used to do this with my kids when I had to do shopping after picking them up. We had a blast sitting in the car at Wal-Mart eating our little snack, talking about the day, laughing about how silly it was that we were eating in the Wal-Mart parking lot. (We still laugh about it sometimes now that they're grown, but it adds stress to try to take kids inside a restaurant the same as shopping does.) Your kids miss you when they're away and things happen that they might want to share--sometimes good things and sometimes things that cause them to really need reassurance that their mom loves them and everything is going to be fine. Maybe the teacher or daycare provider scolded them or their best friend played with someone else. Whatever--it's important to a kid. Anyway, it's so hard to behave when you feel tired and hungry, isn't it? I bet you had a headache, too, and a little snack can sometimes help with that as well. Be sure that the kids understand that this fun thing you're doing is conditional upon their being good during the shopping to follow--that you will do this again (maybe next week?) but NOT if they misbehave.  (But if that ends up being the case, then try to bring a little juice box and packet of crackers to head off the potential crisis.)

Now DURING a melt down, there is a technique you can try that I had success with. First, empathize with the child by saying that you understand he is not happy or he is upset about something, no matter how ridiculous it seems to you. This will get his attention and at that point, reiterate that you care about how he feels and acknowledge that he is having a problem. At this point, the child will hopefully be defusing and you can then ask them what they think needs to be done to solve the problem. They may have an absurd idea, but rephrase it back to them in a way that is acceptable. That could be the end of it. Sometimes we just need to be acknowledged and reassured. I used this more than once on my kids and was shocked to see it work, but I'm not making any guarantees.

Here is a sample conversation:

Child: I hate everything! My socks are uncomfortable! (throwing a tantrum) Mom: I agree that is so horrible when socks are uncomfortable, how awful. Child: Yes, socks should always be comfortable. I hate socks! (still upset, but not making a scene anymore) Mom: What a problem this is, I feel bad for you that your socks are uncomfortable. Child: Yeah, and this isn't the first time this happened to me. (less upset, glad to be listened to) Mom: What do you think we could do about this? Child: We could throw my socks in the fire! Mom: I hear you saying that you never want to see those socks again. How about if we donate them to charity and wear different socks next time? (child is no longer acting out)

This will not work in an all-out screaming on the floor tantrum, but it will hopefully help prevent the situation from escalating to that point (along with the trying to make sure the child is not on the brink of having no self-control to begin with by trying to time the shopping trip when they are not tired, hungry, sick, etc.)

Another thing that you can practice at is to catch your children being good. If they only get attention when they do something wrong, they will do things to get your attention. They NEED your attention. So reinforce the behavior you want to see. Your son wanted to help you put the groceries on the conveyor belt and got upset when you took the glass jar from his hands. He then put something unbreakable on the conveyor belt (you may have handed it to him--I wasn't staring but I saw in my peripheral vision). I wanted to tell him "good job." He needs to know that even though he was naughty, you still love him. The more you give him attention when he is good, the more he'll see that is the way to get your attention. He'll want to please you and get that positive reinforcement. This goes for both (all) of your children, of course. And be careful not to place one child in the "good" category and the other in the "bad." The "good" child may take delight in seeing the other punished constantly, even egging him on when you're not looking...

I saw you very quickly swat your son in the head after you put him in the basket of the cart. He barely reacted and so I assumed he was used to it, which is sad. I know you didn't hit him hard, but I have to say that hitting in anger is not discipline (and never hit your child in the head).  All it does is to make the child feel angry and probably unloved, and it makes you feel like a bad mom. You may have been raised as many of us were, with plenty of spankings. If you want a disciplined child, hitting is not the way (unless he does something dangerous where he needs the lesson to really sink in quick for his own good). A child needs to learn SELF-control and so enforcing their behavior with violence does not lend itself to that end. The Bible does say that if you don't discipline your child, he will bring you shame. However, I would like to point out that there is a right and wrong way--indiscriminate hitting is abuse.

Try to break the cycle if there was a lot of physical "discipline," yelling, name calling, etc. in your house when you grew up. Your kids are going to be parents someday and you will want them to be happy adults (not scarred and broken) with healthy children. You will care how your grandchildren are treated, but by then you will probably forget that the way your kids parent is how you taught them. Believe it or not, and I'm sure everyone tells you this, the time when your kids are little is going to fly by. Each phase that you think is difficult will be replaced by a more difficult phase until they are parents. (I'm just being honest here, each time you'll look back and wonder how you thought the previous phase was difficult.)

Hopefully you'll have a loving, mature relationship with them when they are adults, where they respect you and you are supportive to them (but you will always be their parent first--people who say that they become "friends" are exaggerating--we always need our parents even when we're grown). In this selfish age we live in, that is not easy to achieve for anyone. People these days equate getting their own way with love and make way too many comparisons with others. (The grass is always greener on the other side.) It will be very difficult to reach that peaceful point of harmony unless the groundwork for it is laid down along the way. (Think therapy if things continue as they are--the teen years are coming before you know it and they are NOT easy.  Learn coping strategies now.)

A lot of people think they know a lot of things about raising kids (despite there never having been a perfect parent, ever, and that most definitely includes me), but these are your kids. Your gifts from God and your privilege to raise. (Psalm 127:3-5) They actually still belong to Him, as do you. He owns the earth and everything and everyone in it. (Psalm 24:1) We become His children when we believe in His Son for salvation (John 1:12-13), but whether we do or not, He owns everything He made and that includes us. He sees everything we do and we will answer to Him. (Psalm 94:9-11, Hebrews 4:13)

Now is a good time to be forgiven and call on God to help you in this tough challenge of raising kids. (Joshua 24:15, 2 Corinthians 6:1-2) We all need forgiveness (Romans 3:23-25) and we all need help surviving in this world. Great news--God loves us! Even though He knows everything about us, He still does. Amazing! Call on Him when you're at your wit's end. Even if He doesn't intervene directly by giving you peace or wisdom or strength just when you need it, it pleases Him that you put your trust in Him. (Psalm 9:9-10) He will bless you for doing that (Jeremiah 17:7), and during the time you pray, you are not doing anything you regret.

Start your day by asking God to help you and make you more like Jesus. End your day thinking about what didn't go right, asking and receiving forgiveness from God for it and asking Him to help you do better tomorrow so that you can sleep in peace. (He hears your thoughts, so you don't have to say anything out loud if you don't want to.) Pray (aloud) a blessing over your children before they get out of the car and before they go to sleep. It will remind them how they are special and God is always with them. Tell them you love them and God loves them. Take them to Sunday School* or at least get a children's Bible to read them. (The one who learns the most from Sunday School is the teacher as she prepares for class. You are their teacher 24/7/365.) Train a child in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

God cares about you and your children. (Matthew 13:14-15, Matthew 6:25-34) He knows why you react to stress the way you do, what all has happened, what struggles you face, even what you're going to do next. You can trust Him. You are loved and you are not alone. You are my "neighbor" and I love you. (Matthew 19:19, Romans 13:8-10) I hope that you will be my "sister" in the Lord someday. (Galatians 6:10) God doesn't want anyone to perish, and neither do I. (John 3:16, 1 Timothy 2:3-4, 2 Peter 3:9) (And I am not trying to judge here, I realize you may be a believer having a particularly bad day, but better to err on the side of giving more support than less.) I will keep praying for you. If you read this, please pass on any of the advice that you try if it works for you. And hold your head up high. Your children got born and that wasn't easy or pleasant, but you did it. Congratulations!

*PLEASE, stay away from any denomination that has a "special" version of the Bible and/or relies on "authority" from other sources. God wrote it exactly right the first time. There is no need for additions--unless someone is trying to deceive others.

To everyone else: Wouldn't it be a much more beautiful world if everyone prayed for others who are struggling instead of giving them dirty looks? Let's repent of our self-righteousness and selfishness, and do that the next time we get an opportunity to show the world what our great God is like. God is love. 1 John 4:7-11